I never thought I could do it
I never thought I could be a yoga teacher because of my fear of public speaking, and terrible difficulty in remembering names and even faces! Eventually the desire to share the tools that have really helped me in life originally as a single parent, through ups and downs, shifts in personal circumstances and massive life changes overwhelmed my fear. So I thought.
When I got back from India I was so excited. I will never forget when I finally got my first yoga classes booked. I was a bit nervous, I wanted to be early and prepared when I froze on the stairs in our home. A realization of what I was about to do entered my mind, an unwelcome predator. I remember yelling to my husband and son " How am I going to do this? "
It was an overwhelming feeling of terror. How am I going to be able to speak to people I don't know? How will I remember the words for all the things I "do". What if I just forget everything?
Thinking about the travel, financial and personal expense that I had put into this made it even worse. It was like wave after wave of paralyzing and sickening emotions. It felt like I had to make a massive life choice right there on the stairs, give up or go forward. I chose to move forward towards my dream.
The problem with that choice is it doesn't just get made and everything is OK. I still had to drive to the venue, unlock, get people signed in, find and set up the music. All the while I still felt so sick. So I did what I had to do and still do.
I lay everyone on blocks facing away from me and then I lay on supported blocks too. We did breathing exercises, we moved with our breath, felt into our bodies until I found my voice. We followed the techniques I learned in India but did as I do and greeted the sun with regard and the Earth as our first ancestor. We reminded ourselves we were happy to be here, existing, living and in yoga class.
Sound familiar? That is how I started and how I have continued.
Living the dream is not always easy. There has been a lot of learning and a smorgasbord of experiences along the way, For those of you who have enjoyed class and even better learned tools and developed a practise to help you give and get more out of life thank you. At the risk of sounding super corny you are making my dream come true - lol.
Enjoy the festive season. Thanks for coming along 2019 and see you in the new year 2020. It will be fun ;-D